Offices Annoyances, Part II, 5 more reasons I hate people

More examples of the kind of bad behavior that is slowly turning me into a witch at work. A cackling witch.


- You keep your schedule on paper, in a cute little book. You prefer to write everything in that book in pencil. You, however, for some reason, do not carry a pencil with you. You are angry with me for not having a pencil. You fail to see how this isn't my problem.

- You send the office an email. You call thirty seconds after pressing 'send' to see if we got it. Then you call back 5 minutes after that to see if we've read it, and to get our reply. You don't seem to understand how email is used.

- When standing at the counter, you basically empty the entire contents of your purse on said counter. You spend lots of time going through all of your stuff, preventing me from helping anyone else while you are standing there. When you leave, I'm left to wipe up your crumbs, bits of paper, hair, and some sticky residue you've left behind. Chances are good that this will happen again the next time you are in.

- You ask about the state of my uterus all the time: Are you pregnant? Why not? Don't you want kids? When do you think you'll get pregnant? How old are you? Why are you waiting so long? Oh, well, don't get offended that I asked, your just slouching/ have a puffy shirt on / are glowing so it looks like you're pregnant, etc. Look, clueless asswipes, pay attention to this part: It's none of your damn business, and if I cut you off and then end the conversation because I'm offended, feelings that I'm allowed to have btw, don't you make me feel bad for it. Talk about adding insult to injury. Look, if you haven't learned by now not to ever, ever ask someone that question, I really don't give a shit if I offend YOU. Maybe you need to be rebuffed less gently in order to learn that lesson. You don't care about my feelings, please explain why I should give a fuck about yours.

- You call and you call and you call, asking for the doctor. He is busy. I must take a message. You won't tell me who you are or why you're calling. It's probably because you're a shifty marketer calling to harass me, oh, I mean, help us get a business loan, but still. If you actually have a valid reason to call, you must tell me who you are. Do you really think I'm just patching everyone who calls through to the doctor? Of course not. Then I wouldn't be doing my job. So either state your business or stop calling, because I'm not going to stop hanging up on you.


Once again, like the first post, these are all taken from actual things that have happened and will continue to happen. These are the things that make me grumpy.

Thanks for reading my venting. I feel better now.

Just mind your own damn business

"Are you... expecting?"

"...No."

"Oh, well, it just looks like it."

Dead silence as I stare down at my hands.

"I hope I didn't offend you. You really shouldn't be offended."


Thanks, bitch face, for making me feel bad, and then worse, and then like I should feel bad for feeling bad. It's a puffy shirt, sort of... I guess, but mind your own fucking business, don't comment on my goddamn weight, and fuck right off about telling me how I should feel about your rude prying words.

It really is

Depression. It's a lying bitch.

It tells you that people think poorly of you. It tells you that people don't like you. It tries to tell you that people said really negative things about you, but really their words were more neutral.

(Oh, except when people really do say mean things to you. I've had a few a-holes go off on me because their life wasn't perfect recently, and because I couldn't give them the answer they wanted, just the answer that was a reality. Those people said mean things to me, and I was able to let that roll a little more smoothly off my back. It's apparently when I read between the lines to find something mean that's not truly there. Those are the things my brain can't let go of.)

I just don't really want it to get worse again, so I'm back to getting some help. I don't like being here.

Here: that place where you don't want to do anything, go anywhere, answer the phone, get dressed, etc.

Right now I feel...

angry
frustrated
anxious
lazy
disconnected
unfocused
annoyed
so tired

Anyway, wish me luck feeling like me again.

On Assvice

I live in a... how to put this. I live in a.. Wealthy? Upscale? Popular? Idealistic, beautiful, full of transplants, full of good entertainment, food, and shopping... town.
I was born here, I was raised near here, I went to college here.
But that reputation... I depends on who you are talking to. My home town is either the most awesome place you've ever been to, or a snobbish expensive 'burb full of jerks.

In any case, we're looking at moving up house wise. We have a tiny little place that we've put enough work into that it's one of the jewels of our little neighborhood (at least, it is in my mind!), situated on the very outskirts of the above town. We need more space if we're going to have kids. We need more space for our extra-curriculars. We need more space to realize our gardening dreams. We've scrimped and saved and planned for this: We're ready to move up.

Close friends who live in our popular town are behind us 100% when we say we want to stay here. They understand the appeal, and they love the ups and downs, the quirks and the benefits, of living here.

Close friends and family members who have moved out of this town are not so understanding, and feel the need to give us lots of 'advice' we never asked for, otherwise known as 'assvice'. We could move east, closer to oil wells and therefore closer to cheaper housing. We could move west, and up, and commute down winding mountain roads in the winter time. We could move 40 miles away, to a much bigger city, and open up our housing options quite a bit. We could move closer to the parents. We could move closer to our many friends in the much bigger city.

All this assvice about where we 'should' be looking for a house is annoying. It's offered constantly, but never has it been sought. It's offered as the only reasonable option, the only rational one, the obvious choice.

"Are you finally moving out of [hometown]?" (When you put the finally in there, I already know how you are going to judge my answer.)
"You're looking out east, right? You can get a lot more house out there, you know. You can get more yard. You could even get a new house."
"Why don't you move to [bigger city]? You know there are lots more houses there, right? It's really a good place to live now, you know that right?"

Some ask us where we are looking, instead of telling us where we should be looking. Half of those are happy for us, offering us good luck. The other half seem disappointed. "Oh. I thought for sure you'd look [insert the area that friend/relative would into look if they were us, which they are not] for sure. You know that you can get more house there, right?"

I just get tired of all the assvice. Listen, my partner and I have never leaped blindly into any major decision, much less a minor one. We are big planners, researching our every option, running through many scenarios, and only coming to a conclusion after what is probably too much research and time.

So here it is:
- Yes, we are aware that housing prices are generally higher in the areas we are looking than in the areas you are suggesting. We know. We've seen the listings
- We are still looking here, however, and we're okay with it.
- We both hate to commute. All that time in the car is a real waste to us. So that's why we're looking here: we work here.
- Plus, our cars are older. One is about to be eligible for classic plates! Therefore, if we want to avoid putting lots of money into them, or buying newer cars, we need shorter commutes.
- And have you seen gas prices lately?! Sure, I could move east and gets lots more house for less money, but how much would I spend on GAS?!
- We like this town. There is culture, art, good food, etc. here. If we moved to tiny towns on the edge of oil fields, we'd have to drive everywhere to do anything, including seeing a doctor, going to the grocery store, etc.
- Plus, do we really need a huge, brand new house? If you know us at all, you'd know we were into saving resources. Why buy brand new if there are older places available? That's pretty much our motto.
- And huge houses are pricey to heat! And cool!
- Plus, again, if you knew us, we like to DIY. We want to fix up a place, or remodel a basement. We're totally into that.
- And anyway, this is our decision. I'd love to talk to you about it, but please first remove from your brain what we should be doing, and instead listen to what we want. Then we can talk.

You are sooooo good lookin'!

Why do we still say, "God bless you," when people sneeze? I think it's safe to say, here in the year 2012, that we know for sure that your soul is not escaping when you sneeze.... Or, at least, I am sure of that.

We don't say, "God bless you," when people fart. No, "May the lord be with you," when you burp. Actually, I think it would be frickin' hilarious to say, "May the lord be with thou!" when someone farts. Bonus points if it's a complete stranger.

But really, this god bless you thing has started making me uncomfortable. When people sneeze in my waiting room, and I say nothing, sometimes they give me a look. What do you want from me? You want me to acknowledge your bodily function? Really? Why?

When I sneeze, I don't really want to talk about. I don't need a god bless you. I don't need acknowledgement. It's kinda weird when people do respond. Do I say thank you? I once caught myself saying, "You too!" after a god bless you from a stranger in the grocery store. They didn't bat an eye, lending some proof to my hypothesis that people don't even think about it when people sneeze: they just blurt out the usual.

I was thinking of that Seinfield episode the other day, where Elaine is also annoyed with god bless you, and so they start saying, "You are soooooo good lookin'!" when people sneeze. Since I had someone with a cold in the office, I tried it out. I just got a blank stare in return.

I think I'll just stick with dead silence from now on.

The Office Hardware Specialist II

"Why is the copier all open like this?"

"It's jammed, and it's cooling. Don't touch it."

"Nah, it's working!" Closes copier access doors. "Look!"

"No! Don't touch it! There's paper jammed in there."

"Workin' fine!" Presses copy button.

Copier makes funny noise, fan comes on, fan dies.

"...And now there are two pieces of paper jammed in there..."


I guess I didn't know what I was talking about?
Now I'm off to un-jam the jammed-much-worse-than-before copier...

I need me time, dammit!

I was recently having a conversation with an older male relative of mine. I don't remember what we were discussing, but I remembered something relevant that I had heard on a podcast while walking the dog.
My relative stopped me. "Wait, how were you walking the dog and listening to that?" It was a program from NPR, but I had downloaded the podcast so I could listen while away from the internet. "And so you did this while walking the dog?"
"Uh, yeah. It's great!"
"So you're one of those people walking around, oblivious to the world, with your ear buds in?"
No, actually. I'm pretty aware of what's going on around me, especially while listening to podcasts because they don't block out surrounding noise like music will. I don't take my iPod every time I take the dog out, but it can be a great escape sometimes. I explained this to him.
He doesn't like the idea of everyone walking around, absorbed in their own worlds. He likes to talk to people while walking his dog. It helps him meet his neighbors, meet interesting people at the dog park, etc. He rides the bus to work, and he knows all the regulars on the bus as well. His conclusion was that iPods and smart phones keep people disconnected from the world directly around them, even while connecting them to the greater world. In conclusion, iPods were just another part of the new digital world that disconnects us from reality.
I was... annoyed. Annoyed that he disapproved of me listening to music or a podcast now and then while walking my dog. Annoyed that this somehow was an indictment on my whole generation. I spend many hours a week out with my dog, but I probably only take my iPod 10% of the time. I don't take it to the dog park - too much going on. I started to justify myself, but I didn't really know what to say, and so we got back to the subject at hand.

*****

But I keep thinking about this, and I know what I wanted to say: there is no right way for everyone to walk around or ride the bus, or wrong way, just different ways.
This male relative of mine shares an office with one other person, someone who isn't even there all the time. He lives alone. He sees his time on the bus as a good time to socialize, and his dog walks as a great time to catch up with the neighbors and meet new people, especially new people who also have and love dogs.
I share an office with 8 other people. I answer the phones for two doctors. I interact face-to-face with hundreds of people a week. My desk in right inside our front door, and in the middle of all of my co-workers offices. I'm relatively extroverted, and yet this job can sap so much of my energy from dealing with other people that I often find myself feeling very introverted all weekend long.
So I need that alone time, that me time.
Yesterday, I took a long lunch after a very frustrating morning at work, and the dog and I walked for an hour, me listening to my iPod, her enjoying all the snow we've had. At one point, I saw a man approaching on the trail with a young, excited dog. I also have a young, excited dog, and I know how it can be a pain to interact with like-dogs while on the leash. Usually, I pause my iPod and take out my ear buds to let the other person know I'm paying attention, and to get a couple of words in while we try to pass each other without becoming hopelessly entangled in leashes. This time, I stepped about ten feet up a side trail and waited for them to pass, then we continued on our way. I thought about how my male relative would find this to be terribly sad behavior. It would prove his point: That modern technology only serves to separate and alienate ourselves from others.

But oh how I just really need some quiet time sometimes. Often, my lunch walk with dog is the only time of day I get to myself. No phones ringing, patients coming and going, pets yowling for dinner, husbands yowling for dinner, dishes that need doing, carpet that needs vacuuming, laundry that needs washing... I don't just sit on the couch with my ear buds in to catch up on my favorite podcast; I like to do that while also getting some air and exercise. And I need that time. And I deserve it. He and I are living very different lives, especially when it comes to our work lives.

Maybe we should trade jobs for a week, and then he can see what it's like to spend 40 hours a week talking, seeing, and caring for hundreds of other people, sitting in the middle of a very busy office, often eating lunch at your desk under the gaze of others.
I think he'd like to have some alone time, too.